How old are you? You are probably older than 12, a lot older. But
you'd be surprised at how many couples end up in my office for marriage
guidance and relationship counseling that suddenly start acting like
children rather than mature, level headed adults. Ring any bells?
There do seem to be a handful of common problems, that I'm sure if you get a handle on can make your marriage last forever, or maybe even longer! It may come as no surprise that the first one is to remember how old you are.
Act Like A Grown Up
The all important word here is the first one, "act." You might very well feel like stamping your feet, screaming with rage and even lashing out. Indeed, you might even be well justified in doing so, but do know that it will only make things worse. The reality is that couples that have a higher "emotional intelligence" rating,(i.e. that don't act like children all the time) have longer and happier marriages.
A quick way to increase your emotional intelligence is to use an "emotional check." For women, the next time you are in an argument with your husband ask yourself this question, "am I acting like a spoilt little princess or a grown up well rounded woman." For husbands you might like to consider whether you are acting like a big surly impetuous baby or a dignified gentleman.
Get used to using these checks, make some small changes in your behaviour and watch the difference.
Nobody's Perfect
When you met your partner it probably felt like they were perfect. What wouldn't you have sacrificed to be with them for 5 minutes let alone for ever? Loves cruel illusion is that your partner, like all of us, is far from perfect. Your husband or wife probably has a whole host of imperfections and so do you. It's no big deal really, in the greater scheme of things; do they refuse to see the need to take the rubbish out, spend too much money on clothes, pee on the toilet seat, leave all the lights on, turn the heating/ air con up too high? So what? It's a s big a deal as you make it.
Turn it into a disaster and it will be a disaster, allow it to irritate you and it certainly will. Lets practice some much under valued acceptance about these little foibles. Laugh at them, and yourself for taking it all so seriously and remind yourself that you just, just might be acting like a big surly baby/ spoilt princess!
The "What Would You Miss" List
Okay, let's imagine you will never see your husband/ wife again; what would you miss?
This is not so simple as it might seem. After a very short time its easy to take all those little things for granted; the way they make your coffee just right, how they make you laugh when you are feeling down, reassure your anxieties, buy you flowers or just smile at you in the morning.
It's also worth thinking about what attracted you to your husband/ wife. And more importantly, what kept you interested in them. Have all those things changed so much? Even if they have what's stopping you changing them back?
Marriages, like high performance cars and old pets, need ongoing attention. The more thought you put into how you treat your partner the better your marriage will be. Treat it like a neglected, unwanted house plant and it will eventually wither and die, but with constant and thoughtful attention, and maybe even some full scale re-potting once in a while your marriage will prosper and grow. Who knows, it may even bloom when you are least expecting it.
There do seem to be a handful of common problems, that I'm sure if you get a handle on can make your marriage last forever, or maybe even longer! It may come as no surprise that the first one is to remember how old you are.
Act Like A Grown Up
The all important word here is the first one, "act." You might very well feel like stamping your feet, screaming with rage and even lashing out. Indeed, you might even be well justified in doing so, but do know that it will only make things worse. The reality is that couples that have a higher "emotional intelligence" rating,(i.e. that don't act like children all the time) have longer and happier marriages.
A quick way to increase your emotional intelligence is to use an "emotional check." For women, the next time you are in an argument with your husband ask yourself this question, "am I acting like a spoilt little princess or a grown up well rounded woman." For husbands you might like to consider whether you are acting like a big surly impetuous baby or a dignified gentleman.
Get used to using these checks, make some small changes in your behaviour and watch the difference.
Nobody's Perfect
When you met your partner it probably felt like they were perfect. What wouldn't you have sacrificed to be with them for 5 minutes let alone for ever? Loves cruel illusion is that your partner, like all of us, is far from perfect. Your husband or wife probably has a whole host of imperfections and so do you. It's no big deal really, in the greater scheme of things; do they refuse to see the need to take the rubbish out, spend too much money on clothes, pee on the toilet seat, leave all the lights on, turn the heating/ air con up too high? So what? It's a s big a deal as you make it.
Turn it into a disaster and it will be a disaster, allow it to irritate you and it certainly will. Lets practice some much under valued acceptance about these little foibles. Laugh at them, and yourself for taking it all so seriously and remind yourself that you just, just might be acting like a big surly baby/ spoilt princess!
The "What Would You Miss" List
Okay, let's imagine you will never see your husband/ wife again; what would you miss?
This is not so simple as it might seem. After a very short time its easy to take all those little things for granted; the way they make your coffee just right, how they make you laugh when you are feeling down, reassure your anxieties, buy you flowers or just smile at you in the morning.
It's also worth thinking about what attracted you to your husband/ wife. And more importantly, what kept you interested in them. Have all those things changed so much? Even if they have what's stopping you changing them back?
Marriages, like high performance cars and old pets, need ongoing attention. The more thought you put into how you treat your partner the better your marriage will be. Treat it like a neglected, unwanted house plant and it will eventually wither and die, but with constant and thoughtful attention, and maybe even some full scale re-potting once in a while your marriage will prosper and grow. Who knows, it may even bloom when you are least expecting it.
For world class relationship counseling:
http://thelifechangepeople.com/change-holidays/couples-therapy-retreats
Read how other people have sorted out their lives and their relationships in one go:
http://thelifechangepeople.com/read-my-story
http://thelifechangepeople.com/change-holidays/couples-therapy-retreats
Read how other people have sorted out their lives and their relationships in one go:
http://thelifechangepeople.com/read-my-story
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Alex_Gunn
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