With the new world-wide sociological-cultural trends, as gay
marriage and children's adoption by married gays and lesbians, more and
more highly-educated women opt to have a child without a partner.
Although most of them would have wanted to have a father for their
children, they don't seem to be successful at developing a long-lasting
relationship with a man. One reason being, that there are still quite a
few number of men who prefer their women to have less education than
them, while the highly-educated women prefer men with equal or higher
education to theirs.
Studies show that most women who opt to have a child on their own are not only highly-educated, but also have a well-paying job, both of which give them the feeling of independence. Due to the seriousness of their decision, most single women take a year and a half to finalize their decision about becoming a mother. Indeed, they would have preferred not to be a single mother, but in the absence of a "suitable partner" they opt to go ahead with artificial insemination.
Many of the single mothers still wish to have a partner to share their life with. They know that, now that they have a child, it might not be easy for them to be attracted to a man. The man, on his part, might know that the single woman might be too engulfed with taking care of her child and that it might come at the expense of being attentive for him and to their relationship.
When a single mother and a prospective partner begin dating, feeling they'd like to develop an intimate bond, both need to be aware of the relationship they are upon to enter. Open communication, sharing of expectations and understanding each other's perception of reality is an essential part in their attempts at building a satisfying intimacy. Being aware of doing things with the child as well as by themselves is another component of the relationship which determines the success or failure of their bond.
The beginning of their relationship - like so many others - is often not an indication as to how things between them will develop in the future. As much as they might "fall in love" and move quickly into an "intimate relationship", they might need to keep in mind that due to the special situation they are in they need to take things slowly and think carefully about their next move and steps. They need therefore to be attentive to their individual needs and wishes as well as to their partner's. After all, getting into a relationship where a small child is involved is not like entering just any other relationship between two adults.
The more the single mother is aware of her expectations (as well as fears) about a partner, and the more the man who gets involved with her is aware of his own expectations and fears; and the more they are open to share their respected "piece of mind" with each other, the better equipped they are to develop a satisfying, enduring intimacy.
Studies show that most women who opt to have a child on their own are not only highly-educated, but also have a well-paying job, both of which give them the feeling of independence. Due to the seriousness of their decision, most single women take a year and a half to finalize their decision about becoming a mother. Indeed, they would have preferred not to be a single mother, but in the absence of a "suitable partner" they opt to go ahead with artificial insemination.
Many of the single mothers still wish to have a partner to share their life with. They know that, now that they have a child, it might not be easy for them to be attracted to a man. The man, on his part, might know that the single woman might be too engulfed with taking care of her child and that it might come at the expense of being attentive for him and to their relationship.
When a single mother and a prospective partner begin dating, feeling they'd like to develop an intimate bond, both need to be aware of the relationship they are upon to enter. Open communication, sharing of expectations and understanding each other's perception of reality is an essential part in their attempts at building a satisfying intimacy. Being aware of doing things with the child as well as by themselves is another component of the relationship which determines the success or failure of their bond.
The beginning of their relationship - like so many others - is often not an indication as to how things between them will develop in the future. As much as they might "fall in love" and move quickly into an "intimate relationship", they might need to keep in mind that due to the special situation they are in they need to take things slowly and think carefully about their next move and steps. They need therefore to be attentive to their individual needs and wishes as well as to their partner's. After all, getting into a relationship where a small child is involved is not like entering just any other relationship between two adults.
The more the single mother is aware of her expectations (as well as fears) about a partner, and the more the man who gets involved with her is aware of his own expectations and fears; and the more they are open to share their respected "piece of mind" with each other, the better equipped they are to develop a satisfying, enduring intimacy.
Doron Gil, Ph.D., an expert in the areas of Self-Awareness and
Relationships, is a university teacher, workshop leader, counselor and
consultant. He has lectured widely on these and related topics at
conferences world-wide, taught classes to students, gave workshops to
parents and administrators and is the author of: "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship. Available as e-book and paperback: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Awareness-Guide-Successful-Intimate-Relationship/dp/143925141X/
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